...And the Pursuit of Happiness
That's going to be the title of one of the stories I have percolating inside my head. Or quite possibly, it will be the title of my autobiography. It seems THAT is the primary quest I seem to be on. It's rough man, not just for me but for everyone that's in perpetual pursuit of that evasive, oft times fleeting state of being.
I am NOT about to sit here and make believe that I have it any worse than everyone else, I certainly am not that egocentric, nor deluded. It's tough all over. And I'm certain someone will read this (that is of course assuming there are other people out there reading this besides the two confirmed individuals, one of which being myself)and think, "Geez, that's nothin. This guy's got it easy compared to the shit I've gone through." No, my intention in writing this is to gather the information I have gathered and floating around inside my brain and hopefully gain some insight into what I'm doing, where I'm going and whether I'm headed in the right direction; to possibly help someone else out who's going through something similar or sees a bit of themself reflected in me; or maybe even to once and for all exorcise some demons and lose some baggage in the process. Who knows, I'm just gonna type this thing out and see where it takes me.
Happiness. Man, what a subjective term. What IS Happiness? What causes it? Where do you find it? How do you sustain it? Hell, everyone's definition of Happiness is gonna be different. But that has to be everyone's first step in finding Happiness. They must define what it means to them first and foremost. So, I've spent a great deal of time working on that, trying to figure out what Happiness is. I used to think Happiness was this thing that I could attain, or this destination that I could reach, but it's not quite that simple. If I could just find someone to love me, if I could have a successful career, a nice car, a nice home and on and on. But that's just superficial Happiness. Once I realized that defining Happiness was more complicated than I initially thought, I began to worry. How could I BE happy if I can't even settle on a definition?
So, I pursued my various notions of what I thought Happiness was and what things would make me happy. What a rough and rocky road THAT can be, right? It seemed like I found more about what Happiness WASN'T than what it actually WAS---LOL. Happiness (for me anyway) is NOT simply being in a relationship. God, I can't believe I thought once I found a girlfriend I would automatically be happy. Happiness isn't being in a relationship; it's finding the RIGHT one to be in and even then it takes a great deal of sustained effort, trust and a little bit of luck just to maintain it. Some people find that sort of thing comes easily, but for me, it's always been a hardship. Happiness isn't just finding a successful career, but finding a career you enjoy, being successful is just a bonus. However, the enjoyment, the passion, HAS to come first. So I spent a great deal of time figuring out what Happiness actually is or isn't. I still am actually, it's an ongoing process.
With my work on defining Happiness in full swing, I then proceeded to pursue just where I could find it and what I would need to do to get it. Easier said than done. It's not like there's such a thing as a Happiness Store. If there was, there'd be chains of them all over the world. Does Happiness come in a bottle? Is it found in a pill? Do I find it in a bar or at a club or am I gonna need to search the want ads or join a service? Argh! It's maddening. I can't possibly turn over every stone?
Then it hit me. Through my exhaustive searching and all the trial and error experimenting I've been doing (and continue to do for that matter) I came to a couple conclusions. Happiness is kinetic, it's always changing or evolving. Why? Because so am I. Which leads me back to where I find Happiness. I think that true Happiness must first always come from within. I don't know why I hadn't arrived at that sooner. It seems so obvious to me. Happiness is more about an internal state of being than it is a reaction to the external. Can one really achieve Happiness without first being happy with themselves? And once that question has been asked the inevitable follow up question is...and this is the tough one...Am I truly happy with myself?
The answer...most of the time, but not always. I'm a work in progress and my pursuit of Happiness is going to be a lifelong journey. I can only hope that I have the presence of mind to appreciate it, not overanalyze it and most importantly enjoy the hell out of it. As jaded and cynical as I can become at times, I need to remember to nurture that little voice inside me that tries to look on the bright side of things.
Seek out that which is Good about life and there you will find Happiness.
I am NOT about to sit here and make believe that I have it any worse than everyone else, I certainly am not that egocentric, nor deluded. It's tough all over. And I'm certain someone will read this (that is of course assuming there are other people out there reading this besides the two confirmed individuals, one of which being myself)and think, "Geez, that's nothin. This guy's got it easy compared to the shit I've gone through." No, my intention in writing this is to gather the information I have gathered and floating around inside my brain and hopefully gain some insight into what I'm doing, where I'm going and whether I'm headed in the right direction; to possibly help someone else out who's going through something similar or sees a bit of themself reflected in me; or maybe even to once and for all exorcise some demons and lose some baggage in the process. Who knows, I'm just gonna type this thing out and see where it takes me.
Happiness. Man, what a subjective term. What IS Happiness? What causes it? Where do you find it? How do you sustain it? Hell, everyone's definition of Happiness is gonna be different. But that has to be everyone's first step in finding Happiness. They must define what it means to them first and foremost. So, I've spent a great deal of time working on that, trying to figure out what Happiness is. I used to think Happiness was this thing that I could attain, or this destination that I could reach, but it's not quite that simple. If I could just find someone to love me, if I could have a successful career, a nice car, a nice home and on and on. But that's just superficial Happiness. Once I realized that defining Happiness was more complicated than I initially thought, I began to worry. How could I BE happy if I can't even settle on a definition?
So, I pursued my various notions of what I thought Happiness was and what things would make me happy. What a rough and rocky road THAT can be, right? It seemed like I found more about what Happiness WASN'T than what it actually WAS---LOL. Happiness (for me anyway) is NOT simply being in a relationship. God, I can't believe I thought once I found a girlfriend I would automatically be happy. Happiness isn't being in a relationship; it's finding the RIGHT one to be in and even then it takes a great deal of sustained effort, trust and a little bit of luck just to maintain it. Some people find that sort of thing comes easily, but for me, it's always been a hardship. Happiness isn't just finding a successful career, but finding a career you enjoy, being successful is just a bonus. However, the enjoyment, the passion, HAS to come first. So I spent a great deal of time figuring out what Happiness actually is or isn't. I still am actually, it's an ongoing process.
With my work on defining Happiness in full swing, I then proceeded to pursue just where I could find it and what I would need to do to get it. Easier said than done. It's not like there's such a thing as a Happiness Store. If there was, there'd be chains of them all over the world. Does Happiness come in a bottle? Is it found in a pill? Do I find it in a bar or at a club or am I gonna need to search the want ads or join a service? Argh! It's maddening. I can't possibly turn over every stone?
Then it hit me. Through my exhaustive searching and all the trial and error experimenting I've been doing (and continue to do for that matter) I came to a couple conclusions. Happiness is kinetic, it's always changing or evolving. Why? Because so am I. Which leads me back to where I find Happiness. I think that true Happiness must first always come from within. I don't know why I hadn't arrived at that sooner. It seems so obvious to me. Happiness is more about an internal state of being than it is a reaction to the external. Can one really achieve Happiness without first being happy with themselves? And once that question has been asked the inevitable follow up question is...and this is the tough one...Am I truly happy with myself?
The answer...most of the time, but not always. I'm a work in progress and my pursuit of Happiness is going to be a lifelong journey. I can only hope that I have the presence of mind to appreciate it, not overanalyze it and most importantly enjoy the hell out of it. As jaded and cynical as I can become at times, I need to remember to nurture that little voice inside me that tries to look on the bright side of things.
Seek out that which is Good about life and there you will find Happiness.
posted by Chris at 7:29 PM
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